Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
