just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
