oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize