I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
