Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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