Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
