It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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