i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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