so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize