Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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