You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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