I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
