I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
