Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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