She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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