I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
