I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
