FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
