when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
