There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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