she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
