Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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