Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
