You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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