You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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