okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's blow job season.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
