My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
