and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize