I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
