i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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