did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
