I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize