I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
