Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
