you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
