Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
