If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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