Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
