I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
