Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
