Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
