First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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