The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
