just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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