she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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