thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
