Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize