If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
