he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
