i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
