yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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