My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
