My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
