I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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