i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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