He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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