this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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