I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
