do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
