I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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