I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize