Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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