in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
