i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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