I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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