Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Vodka?
Forever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
