Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
